Presence of God

Do not remove your Holy Spirit from me, take not your presence from me – does God leave us? Is it Him leaving us or do we just walk away from him – walk away in fear, ignorance, shame? We have stood in shame before God from the beginning – Adam and Eve hid in shame – and we continue to hide in shame. What is shame? Cannot be from God – then there is only one other option for it to come from – Satan... Why do fear and shame have such a control over our lives if He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world? I don’t understand how the thoughts of shame, guilt and fear can be so overbearing when we have given our lives over to Christ? Does trust play a part in this... how do you trust a god that allows you to be tortured – even if it is by your own thoughts? God knows what goes on within our hearts – He knows us better than we know ourselves – why then are our thoughts cause such pain and suffering within our own hearts. I was told that God gives us desires that He will fulfill – yet I have had feelings that I did not want unless they were from Him. I believed that those feelings had to be from God since He did not remove them from my mind – yet they were left to hurt and destroy what I was trying to protect. Is God trustworthy if He allows you to suffer and be left for dead? Is it even right to ask these questions – cause if we don’t, then who will? The dirty/messy questions are out there... Leaves me to wonder that I am not a chosen one since He seems to hear the prayers of those around me but yet seems to ignore all mine. I know that sometimes the answer is no, not now and even yes – can they never be yes for someone? I have tried to pray in God’s will – but seem too empty, too broken to pray anymore. Prayers are to come from the heart – yet nothing can come from nothing. Creation happened from nothing – God spoke and it came into existence – yet where is the evidence of God within me – the light of the world that stepped out of darkness? If people only knew the demons that lived within – would they all just walk away? Would they all leave out of the fear of the truth...once the mask is removed you can never truly hide behind it again...yet when people walk away, you can’t help but wonder where God is if His people leave... Can a loving God leave one of His children alone in the darkness – would He not speak light into the darkness and force it to leave? If it meant saving them from pain and suffering? How can a God fearing Christian even ask such questions? Can doubt and faith co-exist? Is there room for doubt within ministry – can you lead or minister to others if you doubt and struggle with trusting God?
What can the root problem be? How do you trust when everyone else you were supposed to be able to trust walks away – only to prove to you that trust in others is useless and disappointing... What is trust then? Trust is not getting your own way but being able to rely on someone else to be there...